It was like flying. The mirror wrapped itself around him, like a thin garment of light, and he was being bourn away by the ripples he had created. If he had cared to open his eyes, he would have seen figures made of stars dance around him, one by one fading into the ripples, an ocean rise above his head, then fall, and clouds racing below him.
And suddenly, it was over. He was still floating, but he felt something tickling his face. He opened his eyes to see Saya pinching his nose. When he waved his hand to shoo her away, she flew away, laughing.
But then Sherman blinked several times and screeched. Leah and the Geezer were standing there, but something was wrong. Horribly, utterly wrong. Leah’s normally dark-red hair was an odd teal color, and her skin was dark, freckles pale.
“MY EYEBALLS ARE TURNED INSIDE OUT!” he shrieked, closing his eyes against the negative image.
The Geezer grinned at him.
“You have a negative view on the world, apparently.”
Rowan appeared out of nowhere, eyes closed as if he were asleep. Saya flew through the air as if it were water and poked Rowan on the face, just as she had done Sherman.
“But- but-“ blubbered Sherman, staring around. “What’s going on?”
The Geezer shrugged.
“Where you just were- that sort of flying place- is actually just part of the Sibelnu magic creating an anti-self.”
“Please explain,” said Rowan, examining their surroundings- they were standing in a large room. Around them were shallow steps leading upwards, and to him everything had a soft golden glow.
“This place,” said the Geezer primly, “is called Reflection. When you passed through the mirror you were creating an anti-matter form of yourself that exists outside of the timestream, which is where we are now. The thing about your anti-matter selves is that you see the world as your mind sees it.”
“Huh?” asked Sherman, looking slightly sick.
“It means you have a negative outlook on the world if you’re seeing it in negative,” interpreted Leah.
“Really?” Rowan craned his neck around to get a good look at Sherman. “You see in negative? Awesome!”
“I don’t care!” answered Sherman, glaring around. “How do I see normally again?!” The Geezer smirked at this.
“Change your viewpoint,” he said simply, and began to walk up the stairs. “Come on, you lot, we still have to start the time-stopping process.”
The stairs did not take long to scale and Leah openly gaped at the high-ceilinged room around them. To her, everything had odd colors; the stones were a pale, mossy green, the bookcases that were scattered here and there were a haze of dark orange and pink, the assorted instruments on different tables were vibrant yellow and her blue jeans – quite blue in the normal world- were a brilliant green.
High windows glittered across the stone walls, letting in light from an unknown source. Rowan dashed over to one and looked out. As far as he could see, there were shifting sands. The stone room was floating above the sand dunes, and smaller islands floated somewhat below it.
“Whoa,” he muttered, taking in the glow of the sand and islands.
“How does one stop time?” asked Leah, staring apprehensively at a shelf that was crammed with nasty-looking bottles.
“What does the sun burn?” asked the Geezer in reply as he stumped over to a large hourglass that was situated in a small dip in the stones. Leah didn’t answer, but followed him. “The sun burns Time, of course.”
“So to stop time, you have to stop the sun from burning Time?” puzzled Leah.
The apparatus in front of her confused her even more. It was shaped like an hourglass, but no sand moved within its depths. Instead a blooming tree blossomed from the top, its roots tangled through the small hole. On the bottom side a dead tree sat, its empty branches waving softly in an unseen wind. It was connected by a piece of gold machinery to another hourglass. Sand ran through it, falling from an unseen source, and fell into nothingness.
“Hey, you idiots! Get over here!” shouted the Geezer at Rowan and Sherman. Sherman had been examining a bell-shaped piece of glass and Rowan had almost fallen out of the window to get a good look at one of the islands.
________________
~Sumi
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hey, I got another one to do, forgot about that... aheh.
Sooooo.... I like this one. I have to echo others in that I like the description and the negative sight thing, but it led me to wonder why Leah sees things the way she does. Will that be explained?
One thing:
"“How do I see normally again?!” The Geezer smirked at this.
“Change your viewpoint,” he said simply..."
-->As I mentioned in a previous thread, the tag needs to be moved else it seems like it belongs to the dialogue, which it doesn't. "The Geezer smirked" should be down where the Geezer talked- and I think you should get rid of the 'at this', because we already can figure what he's smirking at. It should read:
"How do I see normally again?!"
The Geezer smirked. "Change your..." etc.
"“But- but-“ blubbered Sherman..."
--> quotation mark is reversed, a pet peeve of mine because my computer does it too. I find that if you type the quotation first, it orients itself correctly, then you click back and add the dash and it won't change.
-->and blubbered is an odd word for that. Blubbered implies crying, so perhaps simply stuttered or stammered would be better.
About the eyeballs turned inside out quote- hilarious, though his mind works in very odd ways if he jumped to that conclusion right away. Hehee but I wouldn't change it, it's good. A few people have said it shouldn't be in caps, and one said add the word emphatically. I went "ack!" and twitched... for the love of gods, don't use the word emphatically there. No offense to whoever wrote that, and I shouldn't contradict someone else's crit, but...
Anyway, forget emphatically. I don't think you need an adjective there at all, but the caps are also annoying. My advice would be to change it to italics, as it's less obtrusive but still gets the point across that it's quite the shriek, and even higher in volume and intensity than other shrieks in the situation as well.
And I think you may have gotten this one already, but I'll say it anyway. "The Bourne Identity!"
Isn't that how the movie spells it? Meh, never saw it. But anyway, yeah. It's borne. Not bourn or bourne, one of which is the movie name, nor is it born, which means was given birth to. It is borne, the action of being carried away. =P
Heh so yeah, great piece, just those few things I noticed and a couple which I felt the irrepressible need to echo.
About the physics thing, you're correct in that you can wave off the laws of physics since we're dealing with magic, but you have to be careful. If you are using magic as your justification, you can't bring in physics as your reason and process, because that creates an annoying paradox- it's right but it's not but it is...
You might, however, have them wave off physics because while some of it is correct, some is hopelessly not, because of the magic thing and what's really going on, but humans are ignorant so we'll forgive them.
...sort of thing.
Wanting to see more of this! I promise I'll drag myself off the computer and return to my laptop to crit them
teeheet...
bei'theh!
~sworddance
-rose
*runs away*
Hi Rose!
Thanks for reviewing.
Only that? Have you not read the other sections? Because, begging your pardon, those are *not* the central plots. xD
'Fraid I can't use that, because Saya's suspended in midair, not running.
(You, er, obviously have *not* read the other sections...)
Being part-fish, Saya can't really scurry, sorry
OK, here's a personal nitpick of mine: the word "emphatically". It's such a bland adjective, I just hate it. xD
Um, you really should go read the beginning.....>.<U
Thanks for reviewing!
Though.....this....is...part......TWELVE.
Gosh, why do people review sections of stories as whole stories?? xD it's pretty exasperating....
Thanks for your suggestions, guys.
(And yes, "Bourne" was really starting to get at me
~Sumi
EDIT: To Ofour:
Physics= PSSH.
Saya's flyyyyyyyyying!
Hey, if I can have my characters stop time, can't I have them sound all professional and cool about it, too?
I'll update tomorrow- don't want to flood the boards.
EDIT: To sword: yes, everybody's views will be explained. Eventually. xD
But when they are...you might want to take notes XD
I think it's just "born".
"When you passed through the mirror you were creating an anti-matter form of yourself that exists outside of the timestream" - yeah, that's right, screw the laws of physics.
'Tis good, interesting, but is not enough - where is the rest of it, eh?!
*prod*
Hello Baroness,
Now onto the in-depth crit:
You've used the word 'away' twice in the same sentence. My nitpickyness, I'm sure, but I think that a different word could have been used when describing how she left. (i.e: scurried)*Let me start off by saying that I enjoyed your piece very much. The idea of the Negative and the sun burning Time was a very clever choice of plot*
In this line
It would come out as: See the difference in flow?
Now, this line
Note: (AAA) adjectives are awesome.
This line
-Other than all of the above, I really have nothing else to say, other than this was splendid! It's an interesting idea, that I am sure has potential to grow. Superb!
-Agreeing with ShadowTwit, I think that "bourne" is suppose to be "borne". I have trouble with distinguishing between the two myself.
Keep writing, Ink!!
Best wishes,
Rosaleah
I love this
Oh very good!
And I DO like the idea of a "negative view point."
This was the main thing:
Borne, I think that needs to be, I'm not sure, but I don't think it's how you spelled it.
-Twit